The Courage to Be Disliked - The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi
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Web ID: 14737661A Permanent Addition to my Library
I cannot recall how I came across Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga's THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED. It may have been through a conversation at work on another book like this. The title, of course, drew me in immediately. I also purchased, but have not read yet, the companion book, THE COURAGE TO BE HAPPY. I found THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED to be the honest, shot-in-the-arm, no nonsense advice/perception for readers to take an honest stock of your life, your situation, and the people around you and respond accordingly by compartmentalizing what is happening. When I have been in conflicts, in the back of my head, I have always thought that the reason the person is angry has nothing to do with me. This book confirms it. Own your own stuff, and stop taking on other people's burdens as your own. I also liked the conversational format the authors took to relay this message. It made it understandable, especially on the side of the "Youth" portrayed in the text. The "Youth" asked questions that us readers were thinking. Bottom line, not everyone will like your choices, and that's okay. This book is for all the people pleasers out there looking to break free. I can't wait to read THE COURAGE TO BE HAPPY. #CillasBookManiacs
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Review: Courage to be Disliked (by Heybook)
OVERVIEW "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga presents Adlerian psychology through a captivating dialogue between a philosopher and a youth. It explores themes like personal responsibility, the significance of social relationships, and living in the present. This book is particularly beneficial for anyone interested in personal development, self-improvement, and understanding psychological perspectives on happiness and interpersonal relationships. It's a valuable read for those seeking to challenge and change their life perspectives and behaviors. To talk with this book and get help applying its lessons to your every day life, go to books.hey.me and enter the invite code AMAAUCOU. SUMMARY Chapter 1: The Unknown Third Giant This chapter introduces Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud and Jung, and his Adlerian psychology. The Youth learns about Adler's unique approach, distinct from Freud's and Jung's theories. Chapter 2: Denial of Trauma "Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live." This chapter discusses Adler's view on overcoming past trauma. The Youth learns that one's past does not determine their future, and it is possible to change one's life narrative. Chapter 3: All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems "All problems are interpersonal relationship problems." The focus here is on the role of interpersonal relationships in problems. Adler proposes that difficulties arise in the context of our relationships with others. Chapter 4: Discard Other People's Tasks "One's happiness is one's own to define and decide." Adler's concept of "separating tasks" is introduced. It emphasizes focusing on one's own tasks and responsibilities and not meddling in others' affairs. Chapter 5: How to Live Without Being Controlled by the Past "No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure." The Philosopher explains Adler's belief in living in the present and not being controlled by past experiences. This chapter emphasizes personal responsibility. Chapter 6: Where the Center of the World Is "The center of the world is in oneself." This chapter discusses the concept of 'center of the world' and how each person views the world from their unique perspective. Chapter 7: You're the Only One Worrying About Your Appearance "People are not worried about you as much as you think." The dialogue addresses self-consciousness and the realization that people are not as concerned with us as we might think. Chapter 8: Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others "It is enough to accept oneself as one is." Here, the importance of living according to one's own standards, rather than being swayed by others' expectations, is discussed. Chapter 9: How to Rid Yourself of Interpersonal Relationship Problems "The task of an individual is to become aware of other people's tasks." The Youth learns about resolving interpersonal conflicts by changing his own attitude and behavior. Chapter 10: What Real Freedom Is "Freedom is being disliked by other people." Freedom is explored in the context of self-acceptance and the courage to be disliked. Chapter 11: Why You Dislike Yourself "To be oneself is to not compete with anyone." This chapter delves into the reasons behind self-dislike and the importance of self-acceptance. Chapter 12: Give Meaning to Seemingly Meaningless Life "Life is a series of moments, each with its own meaning." Adler's philosophy on finding personal meaning in life is explored, emphasizing the subjective nature of meaning. Chapter 13: Shine a Light on the Here and Now "What is important is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment." The Youth is taught to focus on the present moment and make the best of the current situation. Chapter 14: No Such Thing as a Reward in Life "There is no reward in life." The chapter discusses Adler's view on the concept of rewards in life, advocating for living authentically without expectation of rewards. Chapter 15: To Live in Earnest in the Here and Now The final chapter summarizes the lessons learned and emphasizes living earnestly and authentically in the present. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Freedom from Past Traumas: Emphasizes that one is not determined by their past experiences and can choose how to respond and live presently. * Interpersonal Relationships: Highlights that many problems stem from social relationships, advocating for empathy and understanding others' perspectives * Separation of Tasks: Advocates focusing on one's responsibilities and not interfering in others' tasks, promoting respect for individual autonomy. * Living in the Present: Encourages living in the moment and not being hindered by past events or future anxieties. * Self-Acceptance: Stresses the importance of accepting oneself and not being overly concerned with others' opinions. * Courage to be Disliked: Introduces the idea that being true to oneself might lead to being disliked by others, but it's essential for authentic living. * Subjective Reality: Explores the concept that everyone perceives the world differently, shaping their reality based on personal experiences and beliefs. * No Absolute Rewards: Suggests life does not inherently have rewards or punishments; the focus should be on living authentically without expectation of external validation. These themes resonate across various life stages, making the book valuable for a wide audience seeking personal growth and a better understanding of their interactions with others and themselves. APPLYING KEY TAKEAWAYS To apply the key takeaways from "The Courage to Be Disliked" in everyday life, consider these approaches: * Freedom from Past Traumas: Reflect on past experiences, recognize their influence, but consciously choose to focus on present opportunities and decisions. * Interpersonal Relationships: Practice empathy and strive to understand others' viewpoints, improving communication and reducing conflicts. * Separation of Tasks: Define personal boundaries, focus on your responsibilities, and avoid unnecessary involvement in others' decisions. * Living in the Present: Engage actively with current tasks and joys, reducing anxiety about past or future. * Self-Acceptance: Build confidence by valuing personal opinions and choices, rather than seeking external approval. * Courage to be Disliked: Embrace authenticity, even if it leads to disagreement or disapproval from others. * Subjective Reality: Acknowledge that perceptions vary, and be open to different viewpoints. * No Absolute Rewards: Focus on personal fulfillment and intrinsic motivation, rather than external rewards or recognition. These practices can lead to a more balanced, self-aware, and fulfilling life, resonating with the book's philosophy. MOST COMMON QUESTIONS FROM HEYBOOK USERS Q: "How do I stop feeling defined by my past mistakes?" Q: "I often worry about what others think of me. How can I overcome this?" Q: "I get anxious about the future a lot. Any advice?" Q: "How do I deal with someone I don't get along with at work?" Q: "I feel unfulfilled in my job. Should I seek something new?" To talk with this book yourself and get help applying its lessons to your every day life, go to books.hey.me and enter the invite code AMAAUCOU. HOW THE BOOK COULD BE IMPROVED More Diverse Perspectives: The book primarily focuses on Adlerian psychology, which is insightful, but integrating viewpoints from other psychological theories could provide a more rounded perspective. Real-Life Examples: While the dialogic format is engaging, adding real-life case studies or examples could help readers better understand and apply the concepts in their own lives. Follow-up Strategies: A future edition or follow-up book could include practical exercises, action plans, or strategies for readers to actively implement Adlerian principles in various aspects of their lives, such as work, relationships, and personal growth. READERS WHO LIKED THIS BOOK ALSO LIKED "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl: This profound book explores the importance of finding purpose and meaning in life, blending personal narrative and psychological insight. "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson: With its straightforward approach to embracing life's challenges and focusing on what truly matters, this book offers a modern take on personal development. "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck: This book introduces the concept of "fixed" vs. "growth" mindsets, encouraging readers to adopt an approach to life that embraces challenges and growth. CONCLUSION "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga is an enlightening journey through Adlerian psychology, offering a fresh perspective on personal growth and interpersonal relationships. Its dialogic format makes complex psychological concepts accessible and engaging, resonating with readers from various walks of life. The book's focus on themes such as living in the present, personal responsibility, and the courage to embrace one's true self is both thought-provoking and empowering. While it could benefit from more diverse psychological perspectives and real-life examples, its core message about finding freedom and fulfillment through self-acceptance and courage remains impactful. For those on a quest for personal development and a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships, "The Courage to Be Disliked" serves as a valuable guide. It's a must-read for anyone looking to break free from the constraints of past experiences and societal expectations, seeking a more authentic and fulfilling life.
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Ten top ideas in the book
1. The idea that true happiness comes from being true to oneself and living authentically, rather than trying to please others or fit into societal expectations. 2. The concept of "self-determined choice," which emphasizes taking responsibility for one's own actions and decisions, rather than blaming others or external circumstances. 3. The idea that fear and anxiety are natural and normal human emotions, but that it is possible to overcome them by understanding and accepting them. 4. The concept of "self-acceptance," which involves accepting and loving oneself for who one truly is, rather than trying to change oneself to fit societal standards or other people's expectations. 5. The idea that true freedom comes from being able to think and act independently, rather than being controlled by others or societal norms. 6. The concept of "courage," which involves taking action in the face of fear and uncertainty, rather than being held back by it. 7. The idea that true growth and self-improvement comes from facing and overcoming our fears, rather than avoiding or denying them. 8. The concept of "authenticity," which involves being true to oneself and one's own values and beliefs, rather than trying to conform to societal expectations or other people's opinions. 9. The idea that true happiness and fulfillment come from living a meaningful and purposeful life, rather than chasing after material possessions or external validation. 10. The concept of "self-love," which involves treating oneself with kindness, compassion, and respect, rather than being self-critical or harsh.
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Enlightening!
I lovw that this book used practical, and real-life examples as it tackles philosophy. This book is well written that even casual readers of the topic will appreciate it. The writing style is so unique and something I don't encounter often. Though it maybe "self-help" this book won't weigh the reader down with technical terms. Readers across the spectrum will learn something from reading this book.
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