Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus- The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray
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Web ID: 16835338Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a good,
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a good, if not great, book. Dr. Gray honestly addresses the generalized differences between men and women. He expands on several generalities that apply across the sexes, but he overstates some observations and completely misses out on the essential chapter. First, you can safely ignore the other comments about the lack of differences between men and women. The modern notion that men and women are the same, or very nearly so, can be dismissed out of hand. Men and women differ in every cell in their bodies. They are fundamentally different, and Dr. Gray does a solid job addressing the general nature of these differences. This is not to say that either men or women are superior to the other, but rather, that over 10,000’s of years, biological and cultural advantages have driven the sexes to be different. Each sex is superior at distinct tasks in a way that makes their combination highly competitive and, as a result, the dominant species on Earth. Chapters 1 and 2 introduce the book and address a main theme throughout: men value their results and their success, and women value their emotions and relationships. These generalities are not categorical, but they are tendencies for men and women. The good advice here is that men need to accept the emotional nature of women and listen while they talk, and women need to accept the independence and success-oriented nature of men and not “help” until asked. Chapters 3 through 7 provide generalities that are universally applicable. Women are emotional and need to feel cherished and adored. Their emotions ebb and flow like a buoy in the waves. Women need to talk through their thoughts and emotions in part to be heard and in part to work through things for themselves. Men need to listen and connect with their partners on an emotional level. Men need to ignore the pejoratives and exaggerations (Dr. Gray calls this Speaking Different Languages) and provide support. They need to continuously help their partner feel cherished and adored. Men are also emotional but in a more subdued manner. Men often isolate themselves, particularly when things are difficult or challenging. They need time for independence and the latitude to work through challenges on their own. Women need to be patient, and they need to provide their partners with the space and time required. Chapter 8 is where Dr. Gray begins to miss on some of the things that are important to men (more on this in Chapter 12). He outlines the various aspects of love and general interactions that are needed/preferred by women and men. All of the content is good and valuable. The miss comes from the fact that these emotional needs are far more telling for women than they are for men. Men certainly have emotional needs, but those needs are on a much lower level than the emotional needs of women. Dr. Gray fails to expand on the discrepancy inherent with male and female emotional needs. Chapters 9 and 11 are two of the most important in the book. These two chapters address some authentic approaches to maintaining/repairing a loving relationship. Both chapters should be read and reread. Chapter 9 focuses on the importance of remaining calm during arguments. It emphasizes the importance of not crossing the line and saying devastating statements that can never be retracted. Chapter 11 is a hands-on manual (with examples) for reengaging after disagreements. These chapters are important. Chapter 10 is a misguided attempt to make a few salient points. The chapter discusses scoring points and how the sexes keep score. However, while women may or may not actually keep score, men almost never keep score. Men may periodically and inaccurately tally a score when they are feeling defensive or injured, but they do not maintain a running calculation. Women, particularly in the United States, are fed a perpetual stream of misinformation regarding how hard they work when compared with men. This narrative gains purchase with many women and encourages them to “keep score.” Despite the erroneous nature of this chapter, we want to absorb the few salient points. 1) Women’s emotional state is like a flowerpot with a hole in the bottom. This flowerpot needs daily watering, and a heavy dose of water will just run over the edge of the pot. There is no means of storing water in the emotional flowerpot. The watering must be consistent, and daily is the preferred interval. 2) Dr. Gray lists over 100 ways to effectively tend women’s emotions on a daily basis. 3) Well, there really is not a third point. The idea of men “giving points” for the items listed is misguided. Dr. Gray’s list for scoring with men is fine, but the points are not relevant. Chapter 12 is where Dr. Gray misses out on making his book truly great. The chapter as written is a thinly vailed set of suggestions about how women can manipulate their partners into doing their bidding. While the techniques outlined are effective, the general flavor of this chapter is distasteful. Moreover, Dr. Gray has yet to address the other half of the fundamental difference between men and women. About one-third of the book focuses on the importance of women’s emotions and how men can truly support their partners by listening, appreciating, and understanding. Women’s emotions are important. Men need to maintain their focus on cherishing and adoring their women. However, men have a baseline need that is as important to them as emotional intimacy is to women: physical intimacy. Men connect on a physical level. They have a deeply rooted need for physical intimacy, and this need has been honed (like women’s emotional needs) over 10,000’s of years. Chapter 8 leaves us believing that men’s and women’s emotional needs are equally important, and that is not true. Men’s need for physical intimacy greatly exceeds their need for emotional intimacy. Unfortunately, Dr. Gray left this critical juxtaposition out of his book. Sex is a critical element in female/male relationships, and the topic is essential to understanding the relationships and the differences between men and women.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Untrue
I read the book and I personally think John did not understand anything about women. I volunteer every day and I am very focused on solving problems. My female friends are like that to while my male friends tend to be more like the "women" in this book. This book belongs in the 1950s!
Customer review from barnesandnoble.com